They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The phrase – or a variation thereof – has been around since at least the 1890s and has been attributed to many people.
The point is that a link between repetition and insanity has long been recognized by humans. Despite that, humans also have a long track record of actually doing the same thing over and over again even when we know something doesn’t work.
This applies to nail biting, too. We keep biting and picking them and don’t get to the root of the problem and in many cases, don’t even consider what that problem might be.
Single Most Important Factor To Quit Nail Biting
Monitor your behavior.
That’s it.
The single most important factor to quit nail biting and nail picking is to first monitor your nail biting and picking behavior. Understand when you bite and pick your nails (time of day, situations that cause you to do it). Look for triggers (the reasons that set you off). Look for where you bite or pick them (location, again time of day) and how many times you do it per day. Monitor if you tend to work on your nails when you’re by yourself (out of boredom?) or if you’re ok doing it in public, too (no shame?).
See if there are ways you can avoid situations that cause you to want to bite your nails. Look and see if you bite certain fingernails and pick others or if you bite and pick fingernails on one hand more than the other. Anything you can do to really understand your behavior.
That’s it. Pay attention to and keep track of your own nail biting behavior with specifics. Otherwise you’re doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That’s the first step to quit nail biting.
In fact, how many of these nail biting behavior factors and questions above can you answer right now off the top of your head? If you’re like I was, probably not too many of them, right?
Nail Biter vs Nail Picker
In fact, do you even know whether or not you’re a nail biter? I thought I was, for decades. It wasn’t until I really paid attention to my behavior that I realized I actually pick nails probably 80% of the time and bit them the other 20%. I pick my nails like a starting pitcher in baseball going 8 innings and then I’d send the closer in for the 9th inning to bite the rest of the nails off and bring it home to win the game.
Research online is always focused on nail biting, not nail picking. Nail picking often gets mentioned in passing and products are designed to generally stop you from biting your nails:
Bitter nail polish: Apply it on your nails and it leaves a gross bitter taste in your mouth to dissuade you from biting them. If you pick your nails, how will that help? You don’t put your fingers in your mouth so it will have no impact.
Mouthguard: Wearing a mouth guard at night might help you avoid grinding your teeth (a common result of nail biting) but it won’t stop you from picking nails with your fingers if you wear it during the day.
If you are a nail picker you probably already know it’s much easier to get away with it in public than nail biting, too. Putting your dirty fingers in your mouth is harder to hide and if you’re a germophobe, you may have already switched to nail picking whenever you feel your hands are dirty especially with COVID being an ongoing concern.
The Five Questions To Consider
Part of determining your nail biting and/or nail picking behavior is, well, identifying the actual behavior. Like this:
How
How do you bite your nails? Or do you pick them? Or do you do both? Figure out what you do frequently and how you manifest the habit. I was more a nail picker than biter but I did both. I have also always bitten and picked my right hand fingernails far more than the left. Always. So I started to reason that if I can largely not bite and pick nails on one hand…why shouldn’t I be able to quit doing it on both hands?
When
When do you bite your nails? Some people bite and pick them at certain times ie. due to triggers like stressful situations, when feeling anxious, when bored, when frustrated. Some researchers believe nail biting and picking, hair twirling, pencil biting and other habits are due to perfectionism and are a reaction to the frustration of not being able to complete tasks satisfactorily.
Why
Why do you bite them? It might be a trigger like mentioned above (stress, anxiety, etc). Maybe it’s a trigger(s) that you can avoid or even just reduce, maybe not. But what if it’s something less sinister? What if you’re just too lazy to quit? Turns out, that was my problem.
It wasn’t until I started this website, researched nail biting and picking, and really started thinking about my nail biting and picking behavior that I realized that at this point in my life – age 50 after about 40+ years of nail biting – that I was basically too lazy to put effort into quitting. While in the recent past I may have bitten and picked nails from stress, I noticed in present day I was just biting and picking them to keep my hands busy. In other words, I had no good reason to do this habit anymore.
So I was able to stop. I still have to catch myself when I try to pick them from time to time but I do catch myself now and immediately stop.
Where
Where do you bite and pick your nails? What is the location(s) where you do it the most ie. at home, work, while travelling or somewhere else. What about when you are out somewhere in public or is it only done in private to avoid people noticing?
I noticed that for the most part I would bite and pick nails at home and when I started getting called out by my wife and younger daughter, I’d avoid doing it in front of them. So I just adjusted my behavior and learned to do it when they weren’t around.
Who
Who are you comfortable biting and picking your nails in front of? Perhaps you only do it on your own or maybe you don’t care and bite and pick them in public, too.
As mentioned, I tended to avoid (for the most part) biting them in front of family when they started calling me out. And I tended not to bite and pick them at someone else’s house. I have some decorum I guess. Having said that, I recall a few times my wife noticing at a friend’s house that I was picking my nails and telling me to stop or just giving me the eye.
Also, who can you get help from? For me, having my wife and younger daughter calling me out really didn’t help me quit but they did try. But this sort of support could work for you especially if you keep getting reminded about your nail biting over and over again and don’t want to go insane and quit just to avoid being told about it. It could happen.
Perhaps you could use help from your significant other. Maybe from your doctor. Or pay your dentist a visit, tell them you’re a nail biter and ask them to check your teeth for nail biting damage and get them to explain the side effects to you. That might make you quit on the spot.
Summary
Answering each of these five questions helps to establish your nail biting and/or nail picking behavior. If you can start to document and make notes of what constitutes nail biting and picking behavior for you specifically, I think you’ll have a better chance of quitting.
For me, I remain amazed that I was able to quit after so many years. Of course, nail biting and picking is an easy habit to start again so I do have to catch myself from time to time as the urge to start picking nails again creeps back.
But at this point I figure that if I am facing a stressful situation, anxiety or any other common nail biting trigger, I’ll treat nail biting and picking the same way I’d think about throwing something or kicking the door or doing something else out of frustration: I just won’t do it. I wouldn’t even consider doing any of those things so why would I bite or pick my nails at this point either?
I think if you can get to the point like I did where nail biting and picking isn’t even something you consider as a coping mechanism you’ll be well on your way to quitting permanently.
And if you need some more help to quit, below are a few more pages on this website that may help.
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