How important is quitting nail biting and willpower?
In my experience as a long term nail biter and nail picker, willpower is one of the single most important factors to permanently quit the habit. Without the willpower to quit, it’s easy to start up again and you may never be able to quit otherwise. The good news is that once you quit, you may find that moving forward, your willpower becomes irrelevant and you no longer have to fight the urge to start doing it again.
Nail Biting And Willpower
Nail biting and picking is a difficult habit to break for most of us who do it. It’s an easy habit to start and while you can quit, you can also start relatively easily again when triggered. Nail biting and picking requires no purchase like someone who eats too much food, uses drugs or is a heavy smoker. You don’t need to go to the store to buy something to bite your nails.
There often doesn’t seem like there is a disincentive to bite nails either. The side effects of nail biting aren’t necessarily known or even experienced right away by even long term nail biters. There often isn’t a real catalyst to quit. Nail biting also tends to be a bad habit that in society isn’t really spoken about. There aren’t ads floating around for support groups to quit nail biting or anything like that. You’re pretty much left on your own.
You can bite and pick nails relatively easily without being noticed too. It’s a gross habit but it’s not thought of in the same vein as other habits or vices.
End Nail Biting
When I started End Nail Biting, I did so as an attempt to learn more about nail biting and picking and to hopefully quit myself. As a guy who has been biting and picking my nails for as long as I can remember, I had at least 40 years of this dirty habit behind me. I started this website shortly after turning 50 years old and I certainly remember biting my nails as a young kid around 10 years old if not younger.
I don’t remember why or exactly when I started biting my nails and I don’t come from a family of nail biters. I just remember doing it for so long that I also couldn’t remember the last time I had to cut or clip my fingernails.
Nail Biting Behavior
One of the things I learned quickly is that I had a lot to learn about my own nail habits. I assumed I was a nail biter because that’s what we call it. Nail biting, right? You rarely read much about nail picking as it’s usually mentioned as an afterthought and lumped in with nail biting.
As it turns out, I’m mostly a nail picker and more of an occasional nail biter. I picked nails on both hands but mostly my right hand. I’m mostly right handed but do certain things (throw a ball, use tools) with my left hand.
I have yet to come across research that specifically discusses why someone would pick their nails over biting them nor have I heard of research that discusses why someone would pick and bite nails on one hand more than the other.
While quitting nail biting and picking often refers to various reasons or triggers (anxiety, stress, etc) that cause us to do so in the first place, I also don’t recall reading much about what we need to do internally to quit. In other words, nail biting and willpower to quit the habit once and for all.
Ego Depletion
Researchers have long promoted a theory regarding certain human emotions such as willpower and referred to a term called ego depletion. In this context, “ego” isn’t used in the I have a big ego sense but rather in a more general sense to describe behavior. It’s believed that things like willpower and self-control are finite resources with limits and once we run out or get tired, we need to do something to get the energy back again. Eat a chocolate bar. Have a coffee or a cigarette. Go for a run.
Humans often like to refer to themselves as having no self-control, not being able to control themselves with certain behaviors, things like that. So if we have a long day at work or school and feel drained, we order a pizza or sit in front of the tv and eat ice cream and figure that it’s a reward for our efforts and we’re simply recharging our batteries so to speak. We’re taking care of our depleted ego.
But what is a nail biter to do when they have a depleted ego, find themselves having no willpower and suddenly start biting and picking nails?
Placebo Effect
One of the powerful aspects of life that humans often experience is the so-called placebo effect. We do something and falsely believe that it helps us in some way. We take a pill believing it will help us with a problem we have and suddenly the problem goes away. So we assume the pill was responsible. Correlation equals causation we believe.
But in the case of ego depletion and willpower, does eating a chocolate bar magically give us more energy moments or minutes later? Does drinking a coffee really suddenly wake us up? Or have we just been conditioned to think that way?
Maybe willpower is more like a feeling such as happiness, sadness, anger, positivity or negativity. It comes and goes depending on the situation. Sometimes we have it, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we have to fight the urge to do something we don’t really want to do – like biting our nails for example. Eating a chocolate bar or having a coffee might distract us from biting our nails for a short time, but eating and drinking might not be the best long term way to resolve the habit.
Willpower often takes more effort than we have available at that time. And nail biting is something that we can easily do with no effort. But in my experience, we can also find willpower when we don’t expect it and surprise even ourselves with our progress.
Even better? Eventually we may discover that nail biting and willpower to quit becomes irrelevant once we’ve learned how to stop.
My Stomach Operation
I’ll give you an example of how I learned about willpower beginning around one year before I ultimately quit nail biting. I had an acid reflux (heartburn) problem for years. I finally discovered that I had a weak stomach valve that stayed partially open which allowed stomach acid to come up my throat, hence the heartburn.
After many years of heartburn and taking antacids, I finally decided to go over the head of my doctor who wasn’t much help, saw a stomach specialist who confirmed the problem and sent me to a surgeon who scheduled surgery to fix the problem. I had a fundoplication operation which involves wrapping part of the stomach around the esophagus to strengthen the valve. Problem solved. Haven’t had heartburn again since. Should have done the operation years ago.
But I also had an interesting bonus benefit from this operation. As you can imagine, a stomach operation like this (I was knocked out and it took over 3 hours) means your stomach has to heal and you start eating plain broth, yogurt, pudding and other soft foods for a few weeks. No meat. No bread. Nothing crunchy. No fatty foods. And eat very slowly which I have trouble doing on the best of days.
The result? 2 weeks after the operation, I had lost 5 pounds.
Willpower
Fast forward five weeks after the operation, I’m now getting back to normal foods but still don’t feel like eating as much as I used to. I’m down about 12 pounds at this point so I feel good about that.
8 weeks after the operation I’m down 18 pounds.
4 months after the operation I’ve lost 28 pounds.
6 months after the operation I was down 33 pounds in total.
I graphed my weight on an Excel spreadsheet from before the operation until present day along with my body weight from my bathroom scale so I know all the ups and downs and my progress over time. I began to get very excited and motivated by this weight loss because it really didn’t feel like I was expending much effort to achieve it. I suddenly had a strong willpower to lose weight like never before. And I hadn’t previously been aware that I had that much weight to lose either.
How Did I Lose Weight?
How did I do it? I just ate less food than before. I couldn’t do gym stuff for the first 2 months or so until the five sets of stitches were out from my stomach and I was fully healed. Plus I only had two dumbbells and a bench in my house anyways. At this age, I couldn’t be bothered to physically go to a gym.
In a word, I used willpower to cut down on my food permanently even when my stomach had healed and I was back to eating as normal. Except now my “normal” meant eating less of everything and cutting down on certain foods like milk, unshelled peanuts (love those), flavored yogurt and other stuff that adds up the calories.
I Love Food
I love eating food. I have a slim build and when I put on weight it’s in my face and gut like many men. I look at pictures of me one year before the operation and there is one photo in particular that stands out. My face is very round and fat and my sweater is kind of busting out showing my gut and man boobs. It’s not a picture I like to look at. I noticed it at the time the photo was taken but didn’t do anything tangible to change my eating behavior.
Like many people both male and female, I had gained a pound or three every year or so and it added up. I figured I might lose a few pounds after the operation but the research I read showed that after one year most people who have the fundoplication surgery haven’t lost any weight to speak of.
Long Term Results
12 months after the operation to the day, my Excel spreadsheet shows I’d lost 35 pounds. My weight loss plateaued for a few months and went up and down a bit but after 18 months, I had lost 39 pounds. We now have a treadmill in our house and I’ve only just started using it so the 39 pounds of weight loss is largely due to eating less frequently, eating smaller amounts of food plus a bit of working out with dumbbells.
For a guy who has always loved eating food and eating too much of it at times, I have to say I’m pretty impressed with my willpower. Also, my ability to just say no to food that in the past, I’d happily have eaten with no question.
So what does all of this have to do with the willpower to quit nail biting?
Observe Your Behavior
I really surprised myself with the weight loss after my stomach operation because the research suggested it wasn’t likely to occur. I also know myself well enough to figure that several months after the operation, I’d be back to my old weight. But now in present day, I have managed to keep the weight off and actually lose a few more pounds while continuing to keep my food consumption much lower than before the operation. And I find it very natural now to do this. It requires very little effort at this point.
My food eating behavior was that I tended to eat too much at one time. Rather than eating one or two cookies, I’d have 5. Rather than a handful of peanuts, I’d eat the handful and eat another 2-3 handfuls. And so on. I didn’t even think about the five cappuccinos (or more) I drank each day at home which each involved milk and some honey or sugar all of which contains calories. I never considered cutting down on that when losing the weight after the operation either.
In short I didn’t understand my own eating behavior even though I thought I did. I consumed hidden calories that I never considered: The milk, honey/sugar from the coffees easily added 300 or 400 calories each day. The food eating activity that I didn’t pay attention to was really costing me because with hindsight, it was the easiest behavior to correct. I found this same type of activity was relevant to my nail biting.
Nail Biting Behavior And Willpower To Quit
Nail biting and excess food consumption are somewhat related in that they both take an effort to get a handle on and you must be persistent to do better. Both nail biting and overeating are easy to start doing and equally easy to start again after quitting. And both habits tend to be triggered by the same things: anxiety, stress, sadness, boredom, something to do, etc.
Willpower is key. And this is coming from a guy who has traditionally had little to no willpower when it comes to nail biting or overeating.
Plus, you have to actually understand your nail biting behavior just like I finally really nailed down my food eating behavior. I identified all the times I put anything in my mouth and realized it was more calories than I thought.
Up until shortly before I quit nail biting, I didn’t fully understand that I didn’t actually put my fingernails in my mouth to bite them as much as I picked my nails. So I learned my specific nail behavior to help me quit doing it. Just like I never considered the invisible calories I was consuming through the coffee drinking (and tea with milk and honey) each and every day, quitting nail biting required me to take one step back to confirm my behavior first.
Feeling Of Achievement
Then I was able to get a better understanding how to avoid doing it. Amazingly for me, I found that the willpower involved in quitting nail biting was less than what I thought it would be. For me, the hardest part of combining nail biting and willpower was the beginning part, just like reducing my food intake consistently. Once I got into the (new) habit of doing less of each, I was able to turn eating less and not biting my nails at all, into my new normal. Now, it’s my new habit.
Another thing happened too: Just like losing weight has made me feel better about the way I look physically and motivated me to stay this way, not biting and picking my nails has done the same. I’m a guy and I love having normal looking fingernails! For the first time in my life, too. I like the way they look and feel. I can scratch stuff now! I can open soda cans or cans of fruit rather than using the edge of a knife like I had to do in the past! I like looking at my nails and seeing that they need to be trimmed but I don’t feel the need to bite or pick them.
My willpower to quit nail biting doesn’t even factor in anymore. I’m beyond that. I don’t bite or pick nails now simply because I choose not to. And that’s a great and powerful feeling.
Willpower To Quit Nail Biting
The willpower to quit nail biting may seem obvious but I’ve honestly found that developing it – along with first identifying and confirming your specific nail biting/picking behavior – is key to quitting. You have to want to quit. It’s really that hard and that simple all rolled into one.
There will be times that we lose the willpower even just temporarily to not bite or pick our nails. Even when I decided to finally quit nail biting and began to put the effort in to do so, I still had the urge to pick my nails and had to fight it. It’s so natural to do it just like we reach for a chocolate bar, a cigarette or coffee or whatever we normally do to deal with things.
Sometimes we really do need to fight the urge to bite our nails especially early on when trying to quit. It may take significant effort on our part because no one said that it would be easy. However, what you might find as I did is that over time it becomes easier and that your willpower becomes less of a hindrance. In fact, as with any habit that you’re trying to quit, you start to get into the habit of not doing it anymore. That becomes your new normal.
For me, I finally quit nail biting after first identifying my nail habit behavior, building up some consistent willpower to not do it anymore and suddenly realizing that I didn’t actually want to bite or pick my nails anymore. And that was after over 40 years of experience biting and picking my nails. Now, I don’t even think of biting or picking them. My willpower is irrelevant because I don’t even consider going back to what I used to do.
Summary
Willpower does take effort when it comes to nail biting and picking. It’s so easy to start the habit again, you really do need to want to quit. While you can try various products to stop nail biting, it has to be something you want to do.
Want to learn more about quitting nail biting from my own experience. Please read The Single Most Important Factor To Quit Nail Biting which I learned pretty much by accident. I discuss how I needed to first learn my nail biting behavior before I could go any further to actually have the desire to quit.
Recent Posts
Stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, refers to repetitive or rhythmic movements or sounds that some individuals with autism or other neurodevelopmental conditions engage in. It is often...
Nail biting and nail picking is a common habit that affects many people, especially during times of stress or boredom. While it may seem like a harmless habit, it can actually have negative...